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LISTED: Just a Freaking Table

Facebook is a dick and won't let me embed the listing, so I had to reprint it.

LISTED: Just a Freaking Table

Just listed my latest Unwanted Furniture offering.

It's a table. A round table. Black, simple, attracts almost no attention.

Its middle name is ubiquity. It's as anonymous as furniture can be. It just sits there, doing its job, calling no attention to itself. Like a good radial tire it's solid and dependable, practically begging to be neglected.


See the listing on Facebook Marketplace

It will not only match whatever decor you've got going on, it'll blend in and nearly completely disappear. It is the camouflage of interior design. It is not fancy. It is made of the Johnest Doe of materials.

It is, however, as functional as it is boring. It will dutifully hold aloft your ugly lamp, the ridiculous tchotchkes no one has the temerity to tell you are stupid or the one good photo of your family smiling together as though that's something that has ever happened any other time, either before or since.

It will do this without complaining, without inserting itself into your poor design choices. It will let you be you, for better or worse.

Sanded to bare nakedness, painted and sealed for your protection with a matte finish. Brass feets polished shiny.

Dimensions: 24" x 26"H

Cash, Paypal or Venmo. No holds.